What Does It Really Mean to Be an Independent Woman?
I hear the phrase “I’m an independent woman” all the time—often from women themselves. Usually on TV. (Love me some 90 Day Fiancé.) But every time I hear it, I find myself wondering: Do we really know what we mean when we say that?
So often, being an “independent woman” is framed as not needing a man—being able to do everything a man can do, and more. And in many ways, that progress is inspiring and necessary. As we head into 2026, women being able to financially support themselves in ways that once felt impossible truly matters.
It breaks my heart when someone feels stuck in an unhealthy or abusive situation because they don’t have the financial, educational, or practical tools to support themselves. I absolutely believe women should have the education, skills, and opportunities to provide for themselves without being financially or physically dependent on another person.
And—this matters—there are also many situations where someone wants to do this but simply can’t. Disability. Chronic illness. Mental health. Life circumstances.
Does that make a woman less than another?
Absolutely. Unequivocally. No.
We often overuse the term independent woman, and I don’t think it means what we’ve come to use it for. There are many forms of independence:
- Financial
- Emotional
- Intellectual
- Spiritual
- Physical
- Social
- Political
Yet most of the time, the emphasis lands almost entirely on financial or physical independence.
But what about this kind of independence?
Having the freedom to choose when and if you need help.
Having the emotional intelligence to ask for it.
Surrounding yourself with people who can support you—and letting them.
Is that not independence?
What about having the strength to accept support when you need it, to be grateful for it, and to give when you’re able? Isn’t that a form of independence too?
Yes—having practical skills matters. Fixing a car. Building a shelf. Putting yourself through school so you can support yourself without relying on someone else. Those are incredible skills to have.
But we are all given different gifts and talents. And just because another woman has strengths you don’t have does not make you less than.
I remember when I was dating my husband, a friend and I came out of Walmart to discover I had a flat tire. I called my boyfriend—kind of excited that I could. It was a new relationship. He didn’t answer.
I didn’t know how to change a tire—but I did have great car insurance. I called them, and they sent someone out quickly. By the time my then-boyfriend called me back, the spare was on and I was already on my way.
My friend and I joked that I didn’t “need him” to fix my tire. And while that was true, the reality is this: I would have been just as grateful if he had come. I would have been proud of myself if I’d known how to do it on my own, too.
Both things can be true.
We should never lose the desire to build strength, skills, and independence where we can. But let’s not lose sight of this either: using support does not make us weak, and independence can look different in different seasons of life.
So how do we live this out?
Redefining independence doesn’t mean abandoning growth—it means being more intentional about how we grow.
Here are a few practical ways to think about independence with more flexibility and self-compassion:
Build skills without shaming yourself for what you don’t have (yet)
Learning practical skills—financial, emotional, or physical—can be empowering. However, not knowing how to do something today doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It simply means you’re still learning.
Instead of asking, “Why don’t I already know this?”
Try asking, “Is this something I want or need to learn right now?”
- Separate worth from self-sufficiency
Being able to do something on your own can feel good. At the same time, needing help does not diminish your value.
In other words, your worth is not measured by how little you rely on others—it’s measured by how well you care for yourself.
- Practice asking for help before you’re overwhelmed
Many women wait until they’re exhausted to reach out. However, asking for help early is often a sign of emotional intelligence, not weakness.
This might sound like:
- “Can you help me think this through?”
- “I could use support right now.”
- “I don’t need you to fix this—I just don’t want to do it alone.”
- Allow independence to change with seasons of life
At different points in life, independence may look different. Illness, parenting, grief, burnout, or major transitions can all shift what you’re capable of at a given time.
Rather than judging yourself for that change, it can help to ask:
What kind of independence makes sense for me in this season?
- Remember: choice is the real marker of independence
Ultimately, true independence isn’t about doing everything alone—it’s about having options.
Being able to choose support.
Being able to choose growth.
Being able to choose rest.
That choice is where real strength lives.
You are a wonderful, independent, powerful woman.
And you are also resourceful, vulnerable, flexible, and adaptive.
All of these are strengths.
All of them make you human.
⭐ Want Support That Honors Both Strength and Vulnerability?
If this reflection felt close to home, you don’t have to figure it all out on your own.
I offer therapy and career-focused support for women navigating anxiety, burnout, ADHD, and work-life balance — with an approach that values independence and connection, progress and compassion.
🌿 Serving clients in WA, ID, MT, and UT
If you’re curious, you’re welcome to learn more or schedule a consult when it feels right.
